ASHRAFF Shafiqah

“Are you happy?” is such a difficult question. I have friends and I laugh at jokes. I have a family that loves me unconditionally, and I have a roof over my head and food on my table thrice a day. I suppose I am happy.

For a great deal of time, I have felt homesick. Hong Kong is my home; it is where I have built my life since the day I was born. At the same time, India is my home too, where I reside with my grandparents, cousins, uncles, and aunts. My family and I are very close, yet I only get to go home during the summer. The countdown begins at the start of the vacation month.

My grandfather used to take my cousins and me to swim when we were young. He always made sure to stock the house with our favourite snacks and fruits. He is an active man who still runs his garment business at the age of 71. My grandmother always made us hearty meals and made sure that we had plenty, if not too much. She reminded us children to oil our hair every day, and took us to visit all family members while we were in India. She does not want us to drift away from the big Indian family, from our roots.

On 8 May 2023, my grandfather had to go through an open-heart surgery. It was a shock. My grandfather had served in the Indian Air Force and had always maintained a healthy diet and way of life. He has been going to the gym for 25 years and still takes a walk every morning to stay fit. To date, he follows the tradition and oils his hair every morning. I have not seen a single strand of white hair on him. The summer of 2023 made me realise how one day I would lose my grandfather and grandmother: it would be inevitable. I noticed they had gotten weaker, and their health was gradually weakening. In my entire life, I’ve had a hole in my heart, like a missing piece, which I now recognise is my Indian family and how far away I am from them. This year, the sensation of homesickness is more intense than in previous years since it feels like my time with my grandparents is limited, and it hurts knowing I can’t be with them more often.

On 24 August 2023, we were packed and preparing to depart for the airport when my grandmother said, “Take a good look at me before you leave because I’m not sure I’ll be still here next year”. I remember the way my smile dropped, and my heart sank and felt it shattered into a million pieces. I remember muttering under my breath “Grandma why would you say that?” I drove to the airport with teary eyes; I cried during the whole flight. I felt a great wave of loneliness. As soon as I walked into my Hong Kong home. I tossed my luggage to the ground and ran to my bed, bawling my eyes out.

It has been 30 days since my return, but I know I shall remain homesick until next summer.

Writer's Bio:

My name is Shafiqah, a psychology major in my third year of university. Alongside my academic pursuits, I also have the incredible opportunity to work as a kindergarten teacher. Interacting with young minds brings me joy and fulfillment. Guiding and nurturing the development of these little learners is a privilege I cherish. Psychology has always fascinated me, and I’m passionate about understanding the complexities of the human mind and behaviour. It is incredible how our thoughts and emotions shape who we are. When I am not teaching or studying at university, I will be in the water, swimming. Swimming is more than just a sport for me; it’s a way to find peace and rejuvenation.

My goal is to pursue my further studies for an MSc in Clinical Psychology. I aspire to make a difference in people’s lives, helping them navigate their mental health challenges and find healing. It’s a path that combines my love for psychology with my empathy and desire to make a positive impact to the world.