by Li Ka-yin, John

For as long as I can remember, my father has been a strange part of my family. He is here but he is not actually here. He has always been absent from my major life events, and he does not even know where I am earning my degree. However, he likes to portray himself as a good father to the outside world. He is harshly opinionated at home but puts up a show for other people.

During the Covid period, my father continued to gamble with his friends at weekends, typically on horse racing, mahjong and poker. He often disappeared for a whole day and came back home just to sleep. He and his friends probably thought that staying indoors for gambling or sleeping at home was much safer than going outside. On 7 August 2022, he started to have some Covid-19 symptoms, so we asked him to take the rapid antigen test. He told us that his result was negative. Later, his cough became worse, so we asked him to take a nucleic acid test. Eventually, he told us he saw two red lines with one lighter and one darker; he had tested positive for the virus. However, in the next few days, he just stayed at home without wearing a mask and used the same toilet as the rest of the family, exposing us to danger.

We were obliged to report the test result via an online platform and start quarantine. However, our home didn’t have enough rooms and toilets for him to quarantine separately. Therefore, he should have gone to Penny’s Bay Quarantine Centre. He refused. Pacing rapidly in the living room, he began to display sudden mood changes and he argued with my mom. During the argument, he slammed a bottle down on the floor then locked himself up in his room. He insisted on home isolation without considering our home condition. After two days, the whole family were infected, one by one. Dad just pretended nothing had happened. I don’t know why he did this. I have still not overcome my anger as I feel betrayed. His lies and behavior astonished me.

Some say people lie because they are selfish. Some say people lie because they are humans, or perhaps they lie because they are scared. Some people will do anything to keep themselves from being hurt. I really don’t know why my father lied; perhaps it was a mixture of all these things.

However, when I calm down and think carefully, deep down I understand that my father fulfils his duty to the family. He has worked hard as the breadwinner for his entire life and I really appreciate that. Perhaps the reason that he does not try to understand us is that he does not know how. Maybe he thinks the way to express his love for his children is to give them money. Maybe that is his kind of love.

I love my father, but I hate him, too. I think it is going to be that way for a while.

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